Monday, July 18, 2005 9:49 PM

I have a Japanese exam in two weeks and I haven't studied. I really dont' have much hope of passing. Really. I really don't see any reason in me continuing my course, but alas, I must, for I am learning the language for the sake of my future, should I ever get into a manga college at all. It saddens me, the fact that that hope is ever so far away...

Nevermind about my definite failure, for I could not care any less. If I have it, it's mine. If I don't, then there's no point pursuing something I will never attain. It's a "faith" thing, you know? My Sunday school teacher said that nothing happens to us wihtout a reason. I believe that, really, I do.

Now I shall drift onto my favoutrite subject.
j-rock. Or any other rock-like music genre there is out there.

I shall tell you how I have developed this strange appreciation for people who stand on stages and start screaming their hearts out trying to be heard over the guitar, drums and bass.

And so, I begin. I was exposed to rock when I was in Primary four. Quite a young age, I guess. I thought it was really cool, because it kind of involved vulgarity (I hope my parents don't read this) and stuff. The very first rock song I actually liked was "Slept so Long", by Jay Gordon, you know? The guy from ORGY? Yea, crude name, I know. And so I became so addicted to the "Queen of the Damned" soundtrack (from which I got my daily rock dose)I started to become "punk" like. Thinking it was cool and all. BUT when I enetered Secondary school, I realised that it is pretty okay not to act punk and all. You see, I never really felt comfortable to act punkish or gothic at all, I just wanted to be me. It's not easy, going to a school in which EVERYBODY judges you by what you wear when you go out and all. But then I became interested in J-rock. The very music I cannot live without now. It all started with Gackt. To tell you the truth, I thought Gackt looked a LOT like a woman the first time I saw his video "Mizarables". But then again, I like guys who look like girls. I'm not sure why, but I just find them really nice. Then I found the wonder that is Hyde. He was just really pretty, you know? I first saw him on MTV, and they said he was really good at art but was colorblind and all, so I was really interested. So I started buying their albums and then progressed from becoming a English Rock addict to a J-rock addict. And now I am re-influenced into loving English Rock, or if you would prefer: Alternative rock and punk.

Take MCR (My Chemical Romance, in case you didn't know.) for example. They're a great band that I have discovered only recently. You should listen to them sometime. Their song "Helena" just debuted the MTV hit charts a few months ago. I like their vocalist's eyes. They're so gorgeous~ But I shall not waste my time doing that, I shall continue with what I want to say. Their brand of music is GREAT, except for the occassional "f-word" and all.

Oh, and I downloaded a game called "Feeding Frenzy". It sooooooooooo cute. It's about you eating enough small fish to grow bigger, then eating bigger fish while still crunching on the smaller ones till you become the biggest fish there and are able to eat almost everything there. I guess it's kinda a game of life. If you get eaten, then it's game over. Okay, then. I shall end here and leave you with a gorgeous picture of my first love.
Caine.

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Monday, July 11, 2005 9:33 PM

Hello. I hate html. I hate html. I hate html. I don't really have very much to say, but I started this blog as an Englsih assignment. I may be using this in the near future, so yea. The layout I'll give credit to
blogskins and the nice person who let me use it. Must I say more? I really having nothing else to say, you know?
BUT before I move on to the serious stuff that my teacher wants me to do, I shall give you a song~
In the middle of a gunfight,
in the centre of a restaraunt, they say,
"Come with your arms raised high".
Well they're never gonna get me,
Like a bullet through a flock of doves,
waging this way against your faith in me,
Your life...will never be the same,
On your mother's eyes say a prayer, say a prayer...
Ok then.

1. The happiest moment of your life:
I can't say I have had a very happy time in life so far, but I'm pretty content. I have good friends, a great family and good living conditions and I'm thankful to God for everything I have now. So I can quite proudly say I'm happy almost everyday, except on days when everything just goes wrong like when my math teacher scolded me, my computer hung on me, my wallet and phone got stolen all in one day. But I really doubt all that will happen again...ON the same day, that is. I feel I'm really blessed because I have great memories of the times I have spent with the people I know, and I'm very grateful for everything, and thus I conclude, I don't have a single most happy day in all my fifteen years. Umm...well...fourteen years and six months..

2. Happy endings or Horror Movies?
I would say..........Happy endings. I'd rather cry than scare myself half to death when I PAY to watch some film done by rich people. I really don't see the sense in scaring oneself, really. I don't see the snese in scaring yourself to a point you miss out and the precious sleep your body needs because you're afraid of whatever it is in the dark recesses of your house when there's really nothing there. I mean doesn't everyone like to see happy endings? A couple finally being together? Of course I'm not saying that Horror movies are a total waste of time, (Did I just say that?) but I don't see eyebags particularly appealing. I mean...I don't know. I can't seem to phrase it in a nice way, so I guess I'll end here.

3. Your worst fear?
I'm afraid of a lot of things, but something I'm really, really scared of is.....loss. I've always disliked losing things, and sometimes when I lie in bed at night and just stare into space thinking, my thoughts will always drift to my future. What will happen when I grow up; what will happen when I leave school? And the the thought I fear most comes to me. What will happen if my parents pass? You see, I love my parents very much, and I love my grandparents very much too, so I don't really want to think about losing them. I think about the "spiral of death", like Auron says in FFX, a neverending cycle of death in which all things pass. Someday I'll die too. What will happen when I die? Will I disappear into oblivion? Or will I go to heaven? As promised by the Lord?

4. What was the best book you've ever read?
The best book i've ever read is....a mystery. I don't know what the best book I read was! I've read ever so many good books in my life, so I can't really decide which book to name "The Best". But I really enjoy books by Anne Rice, such as "Interview with the Vampire", "The Vampire Lestat", "Queen of the Damned", "The Tale of the Body Thief". They're all very nicely written pieces of literature. Other books I like include stuuf like "Artemis Fowl", "The Da Vinci Code", "Angels and Demons"...etc. It's injustice to all the authors of the world if you only name one book "the best". Other than english novels, I read stuff known as Manga. Not a lot of people in Singapore really enjoy manga, but it is still an art and a way of storytelling that I really love. I'm probably one of the only people in Sinagpore that can draw proper manga. It's sad how many hidden talents there are (take my friends for example) in Sinagpore that go unnoticed.

5. Someone important to you:
Everyone I know is important to me. Even though there's a saying that no one befriends someone if he or she didn't need something from the person, and even though sometimes it's true, I don't really agree with that saying. It makes me sad to think about how fragile social structures are in the world. I believe this will be the shortest answer to the ten questions here. Or maybe not.

6. Cockroaches.
I will not dwell on this subject longer than I have to. I am terrified of those dark shiny disgusting looking insets. They're probably the reasons why I dislike nature now. I hate and detest cockroaches!!!!! They are the most despicable, disgusting, gross and dirty creatures in the world! When I was seven, I was eating in the food court on the second floor,(you know the really famous one right above the wet market?) And I was having FISHBALL NOODLES. I remember it so clearly. I was HAPPILY ENJOYING MY FOOD when some stupid insect crawled up my leg, into my clothes and down my right arm. I swear that was the moment I was scarred for life. I screamed and started cying as I flung that the monster off my arm. It then went into hiding for a few minutes. And then, IT APPEARED ONCE MORE ON MY FATHER'S ARM!! My dad nearly dropped the bowl of soup he was drinking!

7. The best game you've ever played:
Something by SQUARESOFT. I'll leave it there, because I enjoy most of the games created and published by SQUARESOFT. Take "Kingdom Hearts" for example. I'm practically addicted to the game. Here I am now, awaiting the latest installment of Kingdom Hearts, due this September. Then again, (now that I think about it,) SQUARESOFT is releasing a lot of stuff this September. "Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children" is also due this September. I've been waiting for this fully animated movie for three years, and if you've seen the trailers and the graphics involved, you'll think it's worth the wait too. Other favourite games are "Final Fantasy X"..probably because it's relatively easy.

8. Someone I used to be close to:
Joan. She's in Singapore Chinese Girl's Schol now, but she used to be my best friend. We met in Primary 1, stayed together until Primary 3, until we split classes. We were both originally in Topaz, but in Primary 3, she got streamed to Ruby. So we drifted apart...until Primary 5. At the end of Primary 4, because of streaming, she got streamed into the same class as me again. We then re-acknowledged each other, and spent almost every moment in school together. Then at the end of Primary 6, when we said we would contact each other regularly, she drifted away from me. But I guess that's ok. I mean, she needs a social life too, so I let it be. Now we only see each other during class reunions.

9. What was the best thing you ever ate?
THE CHOCOLATE AT THE ESPLANADE. I have fallen for the nice sweet sinful thing they sell at the nice place close to the escalator known as "Chocz". I bet they've got some addictive drug in it. They make me feel like eating one after another, but because of the painfully expensive pricetag they have on the sweet little collars, I can only afford to get one at a time. Can you believe how expensice just ONE of them is? Try $5. No wait, how about $6? I can't really remember. It saddens me how little I go to the Esplanade. But it is okay. I shall buy chocolates the next time I go there. Rest assured.

10. Do fish have feelings?
I don't know. Really. I had a fish once, and it didn't really show many emotions other than fear and hunger. When it's hungry, it looks at you with those nice big eyes of its that scream out the command "FEED ME FOR MY LIFE IS FRAIL" and at every other time, It just hides behind the stupid pump. So I can't really conclude that fish have feelings. But that fish has passed away recently, but I had had it for like three years, so I cried. I cry for stuff I'm really attached to. Live with it.

...AND I AM DONE!!!
Caine.

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